Aristotle and what he would think/value...

Tonight I completed and sent off my final essay for the first course of the many towards my degree in English language and literature. As always I chose the most challenging question. As always I brewed my essay in my head for weeks. As always I wrote it in one sitting. And as always I am filled with terror and questioning whether it is good enough.

I am not doing my degree purely for the degree. It is the learning experience and knowledge I desire. As well as the tools that the knowledge will provide me with. I was never good at taking tests or exams, whilst I'd always pass them at best possible marks or so it seems under the circumstances, I find it very stressful and any straw of confidence simply disappears.

After all there are many reasons to be stressed. This essay will decide whether I will pass the course or not. I have to get at least 40%. From the beginning to the end of course my marks have improved drastically (I started with 47% and the last marked essay I received got 80%) so there is still the expectation of failure.

I pondered on what Aristotle thought like and whether I understand what he said at all. After all he believed that women were capable of reasoning but incapable of employing it in any activity. Do I really care what mattered to him and what he would have appreciated?

To be honest the last question triggered a lot of intellectual discussions with my mother about philosophy over the phone. Well read woman that she is, she challenged and encouraged, argued and gave in, all done in a very graceful manner. So while Aristotle and what he would think/value is not that important, the learning opportunity and the challenge he provided me with is.

And this leads to that final step - the writing the process of expressing my love to the language and the culture of thought the ultimate desire of being English; as what fool would chose to study English in the motherland of the tongue? Only the fool who trully is in love. Obsessed. Passionate.

And so I am. With the help of Aristotle and his reasoning or not. I may be a woman and unable to use reason in real life, but sometimes, on those rare moments of blissful awareness I can put it in writing, in English and that is good enough for me.