Relativity of pain

When we hurt we hurt in many ways, some individual, some introduced to us through our upbringing or general experience. The point of pain, I believe, is not to destroy us but to carry us through. Even a broken leg can show us just how much we are capable of.

I remember at the age of six I fell out of a tree and badly injured my hand. It was during the first year at school, the time when I was learning to write, shaping each and every letter in my mind. It was extremely painful task learning to write back then because the injury was quite serious and I could barely use my right hand for months. But I did it anyway. No one forced me or encouraged me just like with trying to learn English I just did it because I so desperately wanted to go to school and learn. For years my handwriting was shaky and quite ugly to be honest but it never stopped me from writing. In fact I felt rather embarrassed about it, but even so, I wrote my first poem at the age of seven.

The point of telling this silly story is not to show my strength, because I find I have very little of it, I am more stubborn than strong. There are people battling pain on daily basis whether it is a heart condition, cancer or a bad hip, it is a great barrier people have to push through just to live. Find new ways of dealing with it.

Pain whether it is physical or emotional is in our mind. Even if we dismiss the philosophical side of it, it is actually, our brain that tells us if something hurts. Then once we receive our signal we chose whether to give in or fight back and that is where the relativity of pain comes in.

I knew someone who battled cancer for years and did not give into the pain until the very end, until it truly was more than bearable. It is up to us how we chose to deal with it. We can lick our wounds for years with no result or push them aside and get on the best we can. Sometimes our best will not be good enough sometimes it will be better than expected.

No one is a born hero who can take anything while wearing a brave face. After all bravery is not lack of fear but rather knowing just how much you can take. Sometimes we can surprise ourselves.

I know my pain is not real pain. Even if I have a torn muscle. It is only a torn muscle not a missing arm. My heart aches too because I have forgotten to look after it. It is all relative, I am just a little coward who is hurting very relatively, with a pain that can not be wiped off with a strong painkiller even if I have a sufficient quantity of prescription drugs. I do not like the feeling but I have to go through this in slow motion and hope that someone will hold my hand because I am just a scared and scarred little girl.

I take off my hat to all those around the world who have the strength to go through with it without whining. I hope you will all forgive me for all the self-inflicted suffering I have provided myself with. It is relative. It is just pain.