I have ideas. I write by hand. I buy books. I read them. I read poetry aloud when I am alone at home. Yet none of that inspires me to write a single line on my blog. I don't even like the way I write on this blog any more. It is all I think, I want, I wander, I, my, me... Am I really that self obsessed. I suppose now that I am part-time single, meaning, I live with someone who makes such great allowances for things I want to do, it really has become all about me.
I no longer have to consider if somebody will approve or disapprove of my actions. If I desire to spend a day doing nothing in bed; I can. There is this feeling of emptiness and disappointment. I was never better prepared to review books than I am now. I have never had so much time on my hands for blogging as I do now. I never owned or read so many books as I do now. I know about new films coming out which I never really cared for. At least two foreign trips planned for autumn. And with all that excitement and a fulfilling life I have nothing worthy of saying. This paragraph is bringing me to a point of assuming that to be a good blogger you have to have a boring life! And it is not so. At least I hope so. For why then do I keep coming back to this excruciating effort of trying to write something half decent that I know I will put on the internet.
Where is my desire for writing? With so many copies of my children's book going out to literary agents every month and disappearing into some time warp I am not producing anything more. And really, quite honestly, that does not count as a book; if all text was added up together it would not come to more than five pages. I am just scared of the words disappearing I suppose. I always believed that to be able to write well I need to learn and I have spent the past two years learning quite a lot: and the more I learn the less I have to say. Except for the perpetual verbal diarrhea that I suffer from, which of course does not produce anything creative or note worthy.
For today I was planning some grand reform for my beloved blog. This one is so much better and lovelier and more me than the old one. I looked at it and I knew that nothing was missing apart from my posts. I have tried to come up with a strategy for posting and here is what I have:
Poetic Monday
Picture Tuesday
Literary Wednesday
English Thursday
Foodie Friday
+ Venting Saturday
these are all self explanatory and I am absolutely curious if I could pull it of. However I and most of other citizens of the world that all good intentions (and ideas) come to nothing if there is no investment of effort and sweat. I am not sure typing could make me sweat even on my favourite toy - google phone; but I do believe if I tried hard enough to do it. It could be done. Certainly not impossible.
So here I am on a Thursday without any proclamation for my love of England and all things English, which of course leads me to think of something that Mr. Moon said years ago, when were just very good friends:
"Only you would have the fortune of marrying an Englishman who hates England"; of course this is not an exact quote, for I did not jot it down at the time he said it. Still it is quite funny and true, and the worst part is, wiping your ex out of your e-mail account may be easy, but not out of your life.
When I think about things now, I know that this is exactly how things should have worked out, I could have never been so happy (and so reluctant to blog!) as I am. And whilst Mr. Moon contributes to my happiness greatly, if I weren't where I am, I could not be who I am today. My life did fall apart into many tiny building blogs and it was an exciting exercise to rebuild it, it is still fun rebuilding it today. There is never a place like home and if home is where our hearts lie then in many ways my home has always been in England. Even if I functioned as a multilingual suitcase for a few years and played the role of toy wife (which at times I enjoyed for the lack of responsibility that comes with it) , I could never leave this place behind, could never forget it, could never move on. Yes I am certainly biased and I am not afraid of being so. At least for a change I am honest with myself.
From reading this post, I think your problem is that you have no focus for your blog.
ReplyDeleteHaving had a few blogs, I have finally come to the conclusion that a blog (or website) has to be specific. If you are writing about cooking, then only write about cooking - don't throw in posts about your love of astronomy. Better yet, narrow your focus to a specific type of cooking.
One problem, for me, is that eventually, I say all I want to say on a particular topic and there is no more incentive for me to write about it. I think people who write daily columns / posts and manage to sustain it for years and years don't mind being repetitive. I think they treat each article as something new and fresh.