Expectations

Today I have learned what kind of results I must achieve to be able to even apply for study in postgraduate level. It is a very daunting thought. Especially as I was one point short for grade 2 pass in literature last year.
I have to find the ability and brain power to get the better marks and make the decision in the next six months whether it will be literature or language and literature. Whilst I know that if I would have attended to my education when I should have done I would not have been studying the subject I love so much; the task all of a sudden is appearing more and more difficult.
The question of whether I am studying for grades or knowledge comes to mind. From the beginning I did not preoccupy myself with grades because the crucial thing to me was gaining knowledge; even if that meant learning from my own mistakes a lot. Now I have to take a different approach, grades all of a sudden mean so much more, it is no longer a question of embarassment amongst those that I am studying with as what I will be able to do in the future.
I never aimed for extremelly high grades because I knew I am handling a double task of not only learning what I am being ought but also what others already know. I feel a little bit scared because if I mess up my ultimate dream of becoming a lecturer will flop and whilst I want to write and be a participant of the literary world it is not exactly my true calling; rather a passion... Oh how many things we do do affect what will we be doing for the rest of our lives?