Maybe it was my last creative writing assignment where I was crticised for my punctuation. Maybe it is because I am really depressed and haven't got the balls to go to doctor and refuse another prescription of antidepressants. Maybe because when an ex colleague turns up at work with a baby my brain does not go fuzzy and I feel no urge to reproduce.
I don't see myself as a cynic. I am a realist and like to stand with my both feet firmly on the ground at all times. For those reasons I am accused of being miserable yet I live with a man who expects the world to end next year.
I can't stand the stupidity around me. Not even bothered to enter the discussion. My ideals do not exist. Expectations can never be met. So what will my ranting achieve? Does the blogosphere really need extra infusions of disappointment and despair?
I can't go round telling people they haven't discovered a way to make a new Earth. So all I can do instead is pretend not to care. I have no urge to express myself not because I have a writer's block or will not be heard or misunderstood. I simply see no point. Now or anytime in the near future.
I have given up on fitting in or being an outcast. Yet our society expects only these two options. I am suffocating from stupidity and see no cure for it. So I will go into my corner like so many before myself and say and do as little as possible.
Well, you're right, it is depression. Not the lying in bed, I can't move, I'm in a total state of non-functioning type of depression.
ReplyDeletehy should I get so involved in something that isn't really important anyway (like the latest fashion or trend or gossip). Why should I invest my energies in something no one (or practically no one) will care about?
It is absolutely debilitating.
I don't think pills are the answer. I still have hope I will find inspiration or motivation. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was a empty-head whose only goal was to conform to some accepted norm.