Today anglophile got a really good mark she did not expect at university.

Tomorrow anglophile is going to see a psychiatrist because she is so depressed psychologist won't do.

In the meantime anglophile has run through the scenario of death by hanging herself, drowning and suffocation (by the use of a bag attached to her head). She has also repeatedly considered the option of self harm, but then abandoned the idea due to the implications, as the thought of getting caught does not please her at all regardless of all the adrenalin rush she gets from it.

She is also absolutely and utterly sick of her mother. And the fact that she feels so useless and unwanted and nuisance. She is sick of playing solitaire and analyzing. She is sick of paying bills and looking after people who have full intellectual capacity of looking after themselves but no intent. She is sick of being treated like an old reliable tractor when she feels so weak.

She doesn't care if she is ok, she doesn't want help, and she doesn't know why she is bothering at all.

She is also very, very fed up, that she can not fall asleep once she woke up in the night. She is very tired and doesn't know where to turn.

I did not ask to be born, why should I be asked to keep on living, isn't it just an old manipulative scheme?